a question to ponder as i prepare to leave sf

i'm not very good at the 'most' and 'best' questions. you know, 'what did you like most about the movie?', 'what was the best part of the vacation?' i tend to start with a few things i fell in love with for different reasons and inevitably end up talking about anything that was remotely interesting to me, which is usually everything.

someone asked me today what i'm going to miss most about san francisco. um, that's a tough one. of course i'll miss my friends, coworkers and neighbors - all the people who have made up my little world here for the last five years. the way it takes k an hour to find the right outfit before going out. the way that s talks about early morning hours as 'one am in the morning'. and the way that c and i both violently react when we see cute dogs. i'll miss that i know these people so well because we've been so close for so long. and i'll miss the people i didn't get a chance to know that well, the people that i never took that extra step to pull in closer (but probably should have).

and the city. this amazing city that gives me a bear hug when i return from out of town. all of her many neighborhoods each with its own personality, style, likes, dislikes. the way that each feels different, and mine always feels like home. and being able to see the golden gate bridge from the roof of my apartment building. and the way sutro tower looks with a crisp blue sky behind it versus being half covered by fog. i love getting ready for work in the morning, being in my bathroom and hearing the different sounds of the electric 6 bus, the diesel 43 and the N on rails as they make there way around town. i love the strings of colored lights at murios and the dim atmosphere (but NOT the new booths) and mike and nick and casey and pbr tall boys and shots of jameson. i'll miss wandering around the park on sunny days and being with all the people, getting coffee at the boulange, staring at downtown from the kitchen window at work, watching the buildings under construction grow. i'll miss running into people i know in random places. (and i love that i know enough people to randomly run into them - it's taken me a while to get there.)

i want to write here, 'but, most of all, i'll miss X.' but there is no most of all. i'll miss lots of people and things for lots of reasons. i'll miss anything about this place that has touched me in some way, which is basically everything.

(and won't it be interesting to see, in another two months or so, what i actually do miss? will it be this moment sitting here listening to the fog horn and the buses go by, or will it be something i never expected?)